moshiach's hat

There are the things that happen anywhere. Thenthere are the things that can only happen on the Monsey Bus.

One time after davening, as folks were putting away their teffillin and the bus was entering the tunnel, someone said, "When Moshiach comes, I bet he'll wear a streimel."
My reaction was to recall that it is a mitzvah to anticipate the coming of moshiach, but is it required to imagine his wardrobe. But I kept my thoughts to myself.
Not so the speaker's neighbor, who delivered himself of this sentiment: "I'm sure he'll be wearing a Homburg."
Neither speaker appeared to have any sense of humor or to perceive that his personal fashion prediction was anything but baseless prattle. To the contrary, both seemed fairly strongly invested in these personal preferences masquerading as faith-based predictions.
The conversation proceeded in this manner; more speakers joining with their heartfelt renditions of some detail that moshiach's appearance would confirm. Whether this is spirituality or male hysteria, I leave to the reader.
I wondered how the speakers (or any of us) would distinguish the real moshiach if two or more such figures appeared. You may remember an old televison quiz show, "To Tell the Truth", wherein three (or was it four) guests answered questions about some exploit (e.g., I climbed the Himalayas, I ate 53 hot dogs in one hour, etc.), but only one was the real dude. The object was to guess which one it was.
And so, I imagine a line of Monsey Bus riders, standing some day soon, watching three men (need they be men?), each travelling down Fifth Avenue on a donkey, but wearing clothing that sets them apart: one in a streimel and shiny long coat, the second in a Homburg with rounded shirt collar and glasses from Rabbi Hirsch's catalog, and the third, shall we dress him in Shlomo Carlebachian flowing shirt and knitted yarmulka, playing his guitar.
They will pass before us, the discerning Yidden trained to know such things from our years on the Monsey Bus, and we will, based on our discerning fashion sense, make the right choice, deciding the fate of this, our world.